Does it seem like you and your partner have the same fight over and over again? Socks on the floor, spending habits, where you’ll celebrate Thanksgiving this year… these fights tend to repeat themselves. John Gottman, the world’s foremost marriage researcher, can tell you why. He has studied hundreds of couples in different stages of relationships and discovered the things couples fight about at the beginning of the their relationship are the same as what they fight about ten, twenty, even fifty years down the road. His advice? Choose a partner based on the kind of arguments you’re willing to have for a long, long time.

But what if you don’t want to spend years stuck in the same old, tired dispute? The good news is that Gottman’s research also shows that 70% of couples’ perpetual problems are solvable. Often couples need help breaking out of their usual ways of discussing the issue, letting go of the fear of giving up too much, and growing in understanding of the other’s position. A Marriage and Family therapist can help couples do just that, as well as teaching them how to resolve future conflicts on their own.

And what about that 30% of perpetual problems that cannot be solved? The truth is, conflict does not break up couples, but the ways they deal with conflict can. A Marriage and Family Therapist can help couples turn those differences from weakness into strength and a source of greater understanding. By discovering the deeper meaning underneath these conflicts couples can reach new levels of intimacy. If you’d like to get unstuck and improve your relationship, consider trying couples counseling. It may mean never fighting about where you’re going to spend the holidays again.

improve your relationship, consider trying couples counseling. It may mean never fighting about where you’re going to spend the holidays again.